Approaching the Future

 

I've recently spoken with a coach (via Ginger.com) to look at my continuous efforts to make changes and adjustments in my life.

Knowing now that I will struggle with executive functions has made me realize my "push through at any costs" approach that I used to take will never get me where I want to be. And, where do I want to be? Well, that's a good questions that I didn't previously understand. And, maybe I still don't fully, but my mentality toward figuring that out has really changed since my coaching session.

My coach (Annie) brought to my attention that I wasn't really ready to commit to change, which really surprised me. I thought I had wanted change bad enough that of course I was committed! But, I wasn't. I had been stuck in a cycle of giving up for so long that I was almost automatically giving up as soon as something proved difficult.

So, she asked me to speak with my therapist about this before our next coaching session. Coaching is all about forward movement, so not being ready to commit to change will completely hold you back from that forward moment.

It's like having your car stuck in the mud and just keeping your foot on the gas. You're only going to dig yourself deeper in the mud. You'll make no progress.

So, I spoke with my therapist and she gave me some great feedback and things to think about. I'm already seeing some progress and things are starting to stick. But, it's not easy..

Which brings me to the above graphic.

When I was in Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT), we discussed this idea of "both/and". Things and circumstances co-exist. We used this thought when it came to accepting things, which has very much been on my mind since most of what I've been reading has discussed needing to accept having ADHD as a part of myself. So, I've been making a practice of framing both/and thoughts in my mind when it comes to ADHD.

I have difficulty with planning and organization AND I am creative around problem solving.

I have difficulty with patience and time management AND I have the ability to build curiosity in a subject so that I can focus on details when needed.

So, I thought I'd give it a try in regards to approaching planning and organization.

Staying organized is difficult for me AND it will benefit me.

Sticking with a method is difficult AND I can keep trying.

I can be perseverant and persistent AND I can be watchful to make sure I'm not overdoing things.

Sometimes plans get derails AND I can get back on track without giving up.

Ever since I started trying to think in this way, I've seen better success in my efforts.

I have tried keeping bullet journals on me to write things down as I think about them, but I'd forget the journal or it would be too much effort to open it up (I like those fancy moleskins with the elastic to keep them closed).

Why was it too much effort? It's just moving the elastic and then flipping the cover open. 

Well, that's the wrong question. That's a judgmental question, and I'm trying not to build shame or guilt into the things that are difficult for me. 

Instead, I accepted the fact that this type of journal didn't work for me. So, what could I use that doesn't require so much effort to use. Well, something that's already open wouldn't hurt.

So, I'm using a tiny spiral notebook I had bought for a specific event and only the first 3 or 4 pages had been used. I leave it open on my desk with a pen beside it and write down things I need to get to as I think of them, since I tend to remember that kind of thing at my desk. I also got a little To Do notepad and stuck it to the fridge with a pen. That's where I write down the 3 things I need to accomplish that day, followed by any other tasks I'd like to get to and then anything else that can wait for another day. And, I took a larger spiral notebook that I use for all kinds of things to leave on the kitchen counter or coffee table for a thought dump.

So far, this is working very well!

The thought dump and spiral notepad on my desk are getting used sporadically, but the To Do notepad one my fridge has been used daily! I've also managed to accomplish my 3 have-to's each day that I've used it.

Yay!

That's it. I'm terrible at signing off, but thank you for reading! Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments.